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by angus mcdiarmid

Question by Craigs L:

MARRIAGE with no money, sex and falling out of love?

I am married now for more than 4 years and have 10 month old daughter, my situation is my husband does not seem to bond with me and my baby, he goes to work, go home watch tv or just stay hours infront of his computer,and everyday he drinks beer and always caught him sleeping in his computer chair desk and go to bed aroun 1 am (im already asleep at that time) I tried to make him go to bed and since I do that everyday I got tired so I let him do whatever he wants to do, he does not care about household chores he leave everything to me, I am stay at home mom and this is my first time and I found it tiring and depressing, my family and relatives are in the other states and I am just with my husband and daughter. He provide home and food fine, that is what he always say that his responsibility is to be a breadwinner, thats why everytime I see a family in the mall, in the street or in the train I am dying of jealousy, my husband once in awhile holds the baby for not more than 20 minutes and put him in crib or walker and if I am away went out and when I get home all the my baby is in the crib and crying, and he is in his computer watching videos, according to him he cant shut the baby feed him, clean him and he is still crying so he gave up and put the the baby in the crib, this is happening everytime I leave the house and going out to the store and have a little time for myself. He does not usually talk to my baby when the baby cries he just say the word "what" he dont walk him around and show the house or toys or something that will entertain the baby he just look at the baby crying and saying what, what what...I dont even see him kissed the baby, if I ask he will if not he does not. He never went home with a "toy" for my baby except if I ask him to buy one. He came from a broken family I dont know if this is the effect or what. One more thing, we are only married for less than 5 years we are not having sex anymore, i think no more sex for 7 months???? first one year is fine and after that we dont have sex if I dont ask him too and now I am tired asking so I am waiting til he volunteered, his alibi before is we dont have birth control, now I have IUD, one of his reasons for no sex because the baby is in our bedroom, so I moved the baby to another room, still no sex.... I dont know what is going on, everytime I ask him why he said he does not have interest in sex anymore because he is 49 years old this is driving me nuts, I think about divorce but I cannot raise my child alone I dont have a job and if I will have a job no one can take care of my baby, I dont know what to do.... he just got back from a volunteer convention for one week and I felt bad because I felt like we are not his priority I asked him a lot of times to get a day off so we can spend time together or he can bond with the baby but he never did, but he can get days off when he have volunteer work from an organization he is a member for 10 years, we have tons of debts too, any advise?? thank you so much

Best answer:

Answer by mrsbtobe
you sound like my mom 25 years ago.
I don't mean to type this to give you false hope, because I'm sure my mom's situation was a rarity, but this is my mom's story:

my parents had me when they were 27. My dad didn't seem to take any interest in me when I was newborn. He would often stay at work all day, call home and say he would be going out for dinner and would be back shortly.. only to stumble home drunk at 5am. This happend quiet frequently.

Finally, my mom calmly said to him, "the baby (me) and I dont need you or your money. If you want ot leave, leave."

A few weeks later my mom found out she was pregnant again.. long story short, it wasn't until my dad matured more and became 30 with 2 kids instead of 1 did he shape up and start to become a man. After my sister was born he did a complete 180 and I am so glad they stuck together because I have 2 pretty amazing parents.

This might not be the case for you - but perhaps maybe he needs a little more time to get used to having a baby?? Or maybe therapy will help?? I don't really know - I'm sorry. I just wish you the best of luck and know that if you ever want to leave him you have the support of your wonderful YA community :) xo

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Monday, July 4, 2011

MARRIAGE with no money, sex and falling out of love?

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